When I was at my daughter’s in Texas in March of 2014, the thought came to me to write in the blog she set up for me a number of
years ago entitled “Bull’s Eye, Prayers that Hit the Target.” The purpose of
the blog is to focus mainly on ideas from Scripture to pray over your children
grandchildren and into the generations and whomever you may be praying for.
Some of you have gone to the site only to find it devoid
of anything other than a brief history and picture of me in a “Dallas Cowboy’s”
tee shirt, taken while at the Thanksgiving game my children surprized me with for
my birthday in 2011. Incidentally I was a
“Cowboy’s” fan for one day only; go Hawks go Broncos, Super Bowl 48 was brutal
to watch and even more brutal was watching the last five minutes of Super Bowl
49!
After contracting a heart virus a number of years
ago, (the only thing my medical team could come up with,) I’ve been left with a
weak heart requiring an ICD and later a lung handicap bringing unexpected
retirement from the pastoral ministry in 2012, thus limiting me physically and
emotionally.
Had you asked me years ago if my identity were
wrapped up in what I did, I would have been quick to say “No”, a statement I
later found to be untrue. So for this “Type
A” personality who has always been strong physically and what I’d like to think
spiritually, weakness was not part of the agenda…….and truthfully speaking, I
have not done well living with my limitations.
I’ve found it difficult to be weak around the
people who knew me as strong thus my tendency has been to withdraw and hide due
to weakness. I’m sure there are those
of you who have gone through the same or more complex circumstances that can
relate and perhaps you’ve done better with it than I.
Easter morning our pastor Mike Penninga shared a
challenging message and presented the question “What does the Resurrection
allow you to leave behind?” At the end
of the service he invited us forward to write on white clothes, symbolic of the
grave clothes if I remember correctly, one thing that we could leave behind at
the cross.
Earlier during the worship service the thought came to me, “Quit hiding”
and I perceived it to be from the Lord, however couldn’t it been said more dramatically
like, Dotti, “ Come out of hiding, “I have a great work for you to do,” but no
just the simple phrase, “Quit hiding”.
While feeling the urge to answer the invitation I
found it difficult to put one foot in front of the other, chalk it up to pride. I wrestled with the thought thinking, “How
about we just do this on our own Lord it would be much more comfortable” but
then found myself in the isle walking forward, pride killed at least on this
occasion. I had no doubt that I was to
write “Leave behind my need to hide due to weakness,” a revelation of sorts.
Due to this need to hide, I haven’t bothered to
post or accept friends on FB for that matter or write
in my blog, but with Easter mornings' inspiration, that changed and I even accepted a bunch of friends,
yes really!
Rather than despise my weakness hopefully I’ll begin to walk in Paul’s famous verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My strength is made perfect in weakness, therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Rather than despise my weakness hopefully I’ll begin to walk in Paul’s famous verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My strength is made perfect in weakness, therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Check back in a week or two, also check out the introduction in my profile, it will express more about my “Coming out.”
